God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
