Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
