You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
