ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
