I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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