i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
