she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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