It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
