I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
