Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
