I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
