First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
