A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
