I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
found the other keg... it's in the tree
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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