Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
