Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
