Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
