youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
