you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
