My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
