when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
420 ftw
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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