Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
