I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
