I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
