i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
