Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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