If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
