There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
