I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
