The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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