i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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