Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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