Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
