Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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