____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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