dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
