it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
