True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
