I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
