Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
