I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
