I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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