are you still at the devil's house?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
