For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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