Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
