Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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