just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
