Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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