my mouth tastes like poor choices
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
