we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
