Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
