my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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