i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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