Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
